Finding Solace


Im trapped in my own thots.
Not fantasies..but my darkest fear..
Im afraid.
Althou my mates ard me have tried all ways ta assure me..all the recent deaths are horrifying me.
Just as much as I wud very much wanna tell myself tt it'll all be alright,I cant..specially when its been happening time and agn.

I dont knw what can I do ta convince myself.
Im having an anxiety..tt I might....
Im getting distressed over smtg tt have yet ta be proven.

*God.pls tell me what ta do.

Can I predict my future?

Can I?Its scary tt lifes are so fragile.Why must god take away ppl's love ones w/o any valid reasons and warning?I was reading 2 blogs earlier on..both were typing bout same topics..bout how hard they'r trying ta carry on their lives w/o their loved ones..Its really heartwrenching ta read it.. I watch it in shows..books..bout cherishing the ppl ard us..cos u'll nv knw when god will just take them away frm u.. And I realised tt earlier on..the argument tt viv and I had was fcukin unnecessary..And when Viv was telling me all her passwords ta log in ta her various account..All weird emotions overwhelmed me.

**Mummy..althou sometimes..ur really ridiculous..lol.I'll learn ta swallow evrtg instead of always having ta end our conversations with slammed doors and cries.

*Viv Babe.I'll note down all urs..and u'll note down mine..Love ya til death.

*Qing..Im sorry fer my attitude just nw.I promise..I'll nv give u tt filty attitude anymore k?!

*Zing..no words can describe how bonded we already are..love u ta pieces.

*Jacky..thks fer those morng,nights msges..thks fer being there me redhead!=)

I donno wat ta type..feel like im typing one whole chunk of remorseful words..lol.I just had the urge ta type out wat Im feeling currently...I dont wanna regret holding back whatever I have in mind..so well..guess Im off ta bed nw..=)


The loves of my life

Wat a awesome THURSDAY.

I wanna k so badly..maybe singing can help me loosen up abit..Have been really stressed up lately..perhaps its quite pointless ta think bout things tt aint assured yet..But Im srsly afraid...sigh.

OK..shall stop emoing..otherwise..my mates will start gettin worried fer me all over agn.

I didnt attend sch today.ha.but I dont feel like blogging bout it..So anyway..Tried making tomato D.I.Y mask while lazing at home..Results are..nt too bad..but..I prefer Egg white with lemon drops mask..gives a soft and dewy look result!!!

Lemme share with u guys the recipe! =)

Egg white and lemon drops mask
(fer combination skin)
***Note!!!It might give a stinging sensation..but if ur skin is super sensitive..best ta give this mask a miss!

ingredients
* 1 egg white
*half a lemon's juice

Method

1. Beat egg white till frothy bubbly
2. Add in lemon juice and mix well
3. Apply on face ( I leave it on overnight.But,u cud wash off after 2o mins,or once u feel its all tight and dry.)
4. Wash off using cold water ta close pores

=)

Enjoy!

Smile fer me

Past sunday's service was great!Went fer Jurong west's service as I cudnt make it fer sat's.Donno why..I preferred JW's atmosphere compared ta Expo's..Felt..closer ta god..Felt..LOVE,JOY and PEACE over there..

So anyway..one of my BFF is feeling confused*.Cos she heard some groundless rumours..

**Lady..if ur reading this..pls stop tinkin so much la!Everything aint all certain yet wat...Chill..take a deep breath..ferget bout the whole issue alrights?!!*Love ya.(=

Went ta Raffles City fer Ramen..As my uncle drives there most of the time,I didnt really know how ta get there after alighting frm the train..felt urber bad as I made walk Qing ard Raffles City wif me..lol.SORRY GAL!walked frm OUB building all the way ta donno where...haha..at last..I phoned my mum fer directions..and gt there within mins..Damn!I shd have phoned her the min I alighted.LOL!So anyway..the ramen there was superbly nice man..YUM.YUM!

After dinner,Qing and I walked over ta esplanade...I was so looking ferward ta eat some strawberry Haagen Dazs ice cream..But qing blurted tt she was extremely full..so..we went home..=(
Laughed the whole journey back home while listening ta some old recordings..Gahhs...really miss the times the whole gang sang k tgt..sigh...

But anyway...Meeting Qing on friday ta sing k! WEE~..sadly..Viv babe cudnt make it..=(
CANT WAIT CANT WAIT!:P

On the Dxo night,Viv asked me several weird questions tt set me ta thinking..Today..qing asked me some similar questions..No wonder they are my BFFs..lol..seriously..I donno wat I feel towards....mixed feelings?! I donno.really donno.and anyway..it doesnt seem ta matter ta him.or maybe..hes just keeping it all inside?..I really have gt no idea..dont wanna tink bout it either..so do me a favor alrights babes?Stop asking..cos I doubt I'll ever come ta a conclusion bout how I feel..haha.

Alrights..lets talk bout my bloody hell boring sch...
Today's lesson is bout Housekeeping department..How ta maintain a gd image fer the hotel and blah....cant be bothered ta be in detailed..LOL.The lesson is already boring enuf..and Kerlyn cudnt make it ta class as she gt allergies frm the medication tt shes takin currently..Poor gal..GET WELL SOON MY DEAR!

Have gt nothing else ta blog..BYE PEEPS!

LOVE,JOY,PEACE.

Damn FRUSTRATING

urghs..my new templete suck ta the max la..cant change font size using html codes..%%$##$^%$^&%#!!!

Dont know wats wrong with the month of july..everything just cant go on smoothly.My sch sucks..have gt no lessons fer 6 days with no valid reason.Im like WTH!!!
Asked the lecturer and their answers were like...'erm..sorry gal..I've got no idea either.'
Tell me ppl..which sch system can be worse den mine??!!
Grrrr....

ok..shall not waste my energy typing bout my sch..just the thot of it boils me up!!
Im like been forced ta watch this China historical tv series..the tv is like just right infront of me..the dvd is playing...but..it seems more of like a screen saver ta me.LOL.

Recently,I've been really stressed up..I dont know where ta start.I've so much tt I wanna type..But,I feel a part of me holding me back.I feel like..everyone is expecting different things frm me.At times..I feel so alone.Althou I did share my probs with my mates,they cant really see my point..and I dont blame them at all..Cos at times..I too really dont get myself either..

dont feel like blogging anymore.



exhausted.suffocated.what else?

Im currently chatting with Zing..Althou shes nt a Christian..donno why..she seems ta understand wat im goin thru..

Althou Im a Christian, and althou I've started attending church service once agn, I still cant find my reason ta go church..Yea..its like a DUH~ answer tt goin ta church shd only be due ta 2 reasons..knowing more God and ta interact with otha fellow worshipers..

But one fact still remains..I've lost touch with God..as in...during church service..I jot down notes tt I dont quite understand...When all starts speaking in tongues..Im like urber quiet..I feel like Im nt goin ta church fer god..but fer someone else instead..I knw tt only praying can help..ta help me overcome this..but..Gah..I dont knw how ta go on...

As much as I wud love ta know more bout god, I just feel so uncomforatable in CHC.But dont be mistaken..the ppl there are like superbly nice..especially Sin Man..but..Im still cant find my reason in the place of the Lord...This prob has being hanging there fer like..since the first time i went there..I cried..cos I lost touch wif God..I prayed..but all these feeling still remains..

I feel tt Im too immature in handling these recent problems..

I feel so ashamed...All these yrs..Althou I dont attend church every single wk..I pray every night w/o fail..but I gt so dumbfounded when i told someone tt and tt someone replied me saying tt.. praying ta god shd nt be like a routine type of thing..it shd be done cos u really wanna talk ta god..and tt u wanna know more bout him and stuff....I didnt know wat ta reply...Even thou I've nv thot praying was like a routine kinda thingy...I chose ta keep mum..Dont knw why..When u start talkin bout god..I felt so ashamed..cos I dont even know the basic things like...how ta pray...
Well..I do pray at hm..but..in church..when everyone are like praying..I feel so tongue-tied.I feel so stressed up...

I really wanna know more bout God and wud love ta go church ta focus only on God...but I cant...I've thot of heading back ta NCC..cos maybe only at there.. I'll nt have the mindset of goin ta church fer anyone else...



Wherever I go..the path tt I choose will still lead to the same God...Dont you think?

Ok..lemme recall how i started my day off with..
Had soup and fried egg fer lunch..not fergetting ta mention RICE.lol..
Next..I adjusted my position on my sofa and started my online shows marathon!!!
Recently..I've been crazily into 命中注定我愛你. A taiwanese drama series.Its..quite unpredictable.
A lil overly dramatic..as in..certain things will nv happen in reality..Aiya..watch it..and you'll understand..=)

Ethan is so damn cute....=)



So anyway..I was chatting with Qing while watchin it..Tt woman..sure can link my prob with hers..Donno how she manage ta link it..but she just somehow did it..( well,only viv and qing gets it. )
CHEEKY SMILE*

So anyway..Im currently listening ta Krystal Meyer's songs.I was like switching tv channels when I came across her on mtv.Shes like only 20 and has already made a name fer herself in the christain CHR charts.yeah..shes an American Christian rock musician..But hey..her songs are like freaking nice!!!
Im currently into her 'Beauty in grace' and 'Hallelujah'. =)

Tts her..Aint she pretty?She reminds me of Avril..dont quite sound like her thou..sounds more of like..Paramore? haha.

So anyway..anyway..after watching 命中注定我愛你 episode 18,( gah..why is tt taiwan only have it on air once a wk!! damn!) I continued my online shows hunt..and tts when I recalled tt I have yet ta finish watching Forensic Heros II. But weirdly..when all have finished bufffering..I lost seem ta have lost all my interest in the show..


The show tt I sorta lost my interest in..LOL.
So den..I went ta youtube and started watching GHOST WHISPERER..I was just starting ta enjoy the episode when it started ta get a lil screwed up..The sound of the cast doesnt match the cast's mouth. I got so fed up tt I closed all my tabs..After what seems like eons, I decided ta BLOG...as I scroll up ta read wat I've typed so far...I realised tt I've been quite detailed bout my dull,lifeless,flavorless day....

Nice show..but the storyline is like totally repeatative...so..actually..a lil boring at times..teehehe..


I seriously cant wait fer my sch ta reopen.Frankly speaking,my lecturers are all really friendly an stuff..but the sch system truly suck ta the max...Grrrrr...cant be bothered ta blog bout the details.....

I miss Kerlyn and Sharifah!!!!


And to Viv,Qing and Zing..thks fer all ur advises...I really dont know how I can pull it thru w/o u guys..Lotsa love!!

Alright..Im off ta find smtg else ta do...

Cause you make me swoon.Butterflies, dizzy head, flutter heartbeats

I just read my BFF's blog minutes ago and once agn shes in pain..Some pain tt even she herself cant do much ta make things better.Althou they no longer communicate,I knw she still loves him deeply.But it saddens me as all I cud ever do is just sit there and stare at the screen.I dont knw wat ta say ta her cos...I nv once felt..father's love.I've nv sat on my father's lap,nv had father's hugs, so not ta mention having him tucked me ta bed when I was young.So well, I really feel like a failure cos my dear fren is hurting inside and I cant do much..


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Sometimes I really do hope tt I'll nv awake frm my sleep...I just wanna stay asleep..cos I honestly dont knw wat Im striving fer.Yea..the answer shd always be..'fer myself'.But at times..I realise tt I tend ta do things tt aint wat I've wanted initially..I went ahead with it fer the sake of it.Im like living my present live pretty aimlessly.Althou tmr is a brand new day,a fresh beginning,I dont see tt my existence in this world really matters.Im so sick of far too much things.







Emo..............gahhhh.........

This post is specially posted fer Bong,the turtle aka Wang Lee Hom imposter!!=))

MY DEAREST BONG SHAU PHIN!!!
I've been waiting fer ur tag la!!
Miss ya so much man.
Miss the times u promoted bout Wang Lee Hom all day long....
Miss the k-sessions when u'll select all Lee Hom songs.
Miss the times tt u'll imitate Xiao Zhu's voice ta sing.
Miss the times when u wud dance with vivian while u sang 精舞门.
Miss the times when we sung 珊瑚海 together.
Miss the times when we wud slack at Qings days all day.

GOD..I MISS YOU like crazy man!

....

Was really extremely happy ta the max ta see ur tag la.
Pls do rmb ta find some time ta relax yea? Is there k-box at melborne?LOL. U must not ferget ta practice his songs yea??=) Im looking forward ta our next future k-session!

Love ya ta the max!

our emo pic....haha